and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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