That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
