So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
