sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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