never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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