they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
