I think i peed on brittanys purse
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
