I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
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