I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
