Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
