yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
