I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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