i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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