Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
