She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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