Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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