let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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