Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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