I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
