its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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