Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
