I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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