oh god the rape fog is back!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
