Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
