i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
