You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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