HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
