Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
