Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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