The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
