I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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