I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
