For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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