I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
