The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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