twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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