they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You have to summon your inner elephant
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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