Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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