not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
