why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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