Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
