He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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