my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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