I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
