porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
