he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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