I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
