Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
