i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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