i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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