You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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