I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
