my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
