the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
