I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
