So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
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