Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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