Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
